The Invisible Burden: Why Men Skip Therapy

By Mercy Manyema

NB:Trigger alert - this blog will mention suicide. 

Although women are more proportionally likely to attempt suicide,  men account for nearly 80% of all recorded suicides. This is partly because men usually use more violent methods. Suicide is not the only measure of one's state of mental health but it is a window into what many are now calling the silent pandemic. 

 It has been said over and over again that men are less likely to seek help for mental health, that they are less likely to talk about their struggles and that this often leads to aggression, violence and substance abuse. 

The question on everybody's lips is: why? Why do men skip therapy? Why are they less likely to seek for help? What barriers stand in their way to getting the support they need from family, friends and mental health practitioners?

At the top of the list are the expectations that society and culture often place on men to be strong and shoulder it all. From childhood, men are given the responsibility of being the one who holds the roof over everyone else, without flinching no matter how heavy it gets. Have you ever been to the funeral of a man, and everyone waits for his 20-year old son to arrive to make decisions because he is now "the man of the hous?". Seeking help and being vulnerable is seen as a sign of weakness (by who exactly?- we will tackle this in the next article). 

The signs and symptoms of mental health illness e.g. depression, may present differently in men and may go undiagnosed even if they do seek help. Sometimes we normalize these symptoms e.g. always feeling tired, overworking and drinking alcohol to cope. The symptoms themselves can become the mark of being a true man's man. 

But what most research articles show is that men do not have the safe spaces they need to let down their guard without judgement. A safe and non-judgemental space is necessary for anyone doing counselling regardless of their gender. A question that comes to mind then is: why do men seem to not feel safe with psychologists and counsellors? Is there perhaps a bigger issue with stigma around mental health care in general? 

And the million dollar question is - what can we do about it? 

Let me know your thoughts  in the comments. What are some other reasons that men don't get help for their mental health? Is it in their biology, is it only social conditioning at play?