Parakaleo Christian Counselling

By Mercy Manyema NB:Trigger alert - this blog will mention suicide.  Although women are more proportionally likely to attempt suicide,  men account for nearly 80% of all recorded suicides. This is partly because men usually use more violent methods. Suicide is not the only measure of one's state of mental health but it is a window into what many are now calling the silent pandemic.   It has been said over and over again that men are less likely to seek help for mental health, that they are less likely to talk about their struggles and that this often leads to aggression, violence and substance abuse.  The question on everybody's lips is: why? Why do men skip therapy? Why are they less likely to seek for help? What barriers stand in their way to getting the support they need from family, friends and mental health practitioners? At the top of the list are the expectations that society and culture often place on men to be strong and shoulder it all. Fr...

By Nokukhanya Ncube One of my favorite phrases is from a poem for those expressing their affectionate love to each other: "Roses are red, violets are blue..." You would agree with me that this has been one of the best pick-up lines for ages. I'm sure that if we were to put up a poll to vote on how popular it is, the line might be at the top. Imagine if each and every time the phrase was used, someone had to give a rose. I'm sure by now we would have run out of beautiful roses. Let's speak reality now. Most roses are probably expensive. I know they are beautiful, they smell nice, and they have a lasting scent. I am not a fan of flowers, but I know they make a home feel comfortable and smell good. Moreover, they have a way of putting a smile on someone's face. For today, let's look at the line in this way: it's okay to be different - it's not a sin nor a crime. Like roses, you might be loved by most people, but not everyone is meant for y...

By Mercy Manyema When I had my first child  I was privileged to witness her reaching her growth milestones. I saw her sit up for the first time, her first attempts at crawling, and also her first walking steps. There's no greater joy than to see your baby grow.  I also learned very quickly that growing includes pain, and falling. I watched my daughter scrape her knees or fall over as she tried to walk. All this was part of the growing process.  The law of growth in any area of life is that there will be some strain, some pain and even falling. Moving from one state of being to a new and better one involves some effort, and often involves pain.  Many of us give up at the first sign of trouble. There's sometimes a belief that good things should not be so hard. We forget that for a seed to germinate and grow into a tree it must push through the ground first. It must withstand the wind and the elements to grow to maturity, and bear fruit.  Prov 24v16 say...

By Mercy Manyema  Psalm 61v2: From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. It's not easy to admit that you need help. Many of us would rather struggle until we figure it out than ask for help. I know of people who have been lost on the road and drove hundreds of kilometers off-course simply because they didn't want to ask for help.  The verse above highlights two issues about asking for help: firstly you must admit that you are overwhelmed, and secondly you must also admit that there is One higher than you. These are the things we often struggle with - admitting that we cannot help ourselves. It takes a level of vulnerability to admit this, and few enjoy being vulnerable.  Sometimes we need the help of doctors for our health, sometimes we need the help of psychologists for our mental health, sometimes we need the help of friends and family to support us through challenges- whatever the case my be, w...

By Nokukhanya Ncube Life is like a book with many pages. As you peruse through them, you begin to see just how fascinating—and sometimes frustrating—the journey of life can be. None can confidently say they fully understand how tomorrow will unfold, no one. Farmers understand the importance of timing and knowledge. They know when to plant, where to plant, which crops thrive in different seasons, and the type of soil best suited for each crop. Without this knowledge, they risk wasting time, effort, and resources. During the rainy season, plants create a beautiful landscape. They are vibrant, full of life, and add a special complement to nature. Recently, as I was passing through some fields, I noticed a particular section that was filled with dirt, plastic waste, broken glass, and rotting food remains. To my surprise, this area had the healthiest and best-looking crops in the entire field. That sight taught me several valuable lessons: 1. Negativity should not keep you d...

By Nathan Manyema NOTE: This week's post is a song written by my son. I pray that it inspires you to keep dreaming, keep believing, keep hoping🙂.  🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 the place where all good stories are made the memories that you'll laugh about the prices that you paid the time when nothing seems to rhyme you can't see where you're going but you're going the name you're trying to create a chance to be something great someone great If you stay I promise its worth the wait it happens overnight and greets when you wake

By Mercy Manyema I love watching sunrises and sunsets. They are beautiful, and the changing hues across the horizon are magnificent. I find both events so simple yet so surreal. I often take pictures but it can be quite difficult to fully capture the moment on a still photo.  Our entire lives are contained within sunrises and sunsets. Whatever happens in your life happens in the day time after the sun has risen, or during the night after the sun has set. It's a wonder then, that on any typical day we rush along, doing what we need to do and pay no attention to these two events that punctuate our lives daily. Maybe we are afraid to face them because they remind us that our days are like sand in an hourglass, slowly ebbing away. Solomon says in Eccl 5:18 -  "This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this...

By Nokukhanya Ncube  If only time would tell, most of us would have made better decisions, made better choices. We would have made a lot of memories with our loved ones who have died; better still we would have asked for forgiveness and also forgiven some of those people. I guess time only tells to those who listen attentively to it, or maybe it has its people🤷‍♀️. I marvel at how people live their lives following an automatic rhythm: waking up, checking your phone, bathing, eating etc,  and all the while time is being consumed. We all live like we have mastered how our lives are supposed to run. We live like we have it all under control and when things start to fall apart, or when things don't go according to how we want them to go, then we blame time . Here is the thing: there is nothing wrong with time. It cannot tell, its just being itself - AS TIME. We all have the same hours, same days of the week, same months and same number of days in a year. You have to s...

At this time of the year and in this side of the world, we are approaching winter. The leaves are changing color as quickly as the trees are shedding them. The sun sets sooner, evenings are becoming cooler and we are all bringing out our warm clothing. The seasons are changing. Just like they did last year, and the year before.  We all go through different seasons in life. Some are predictable and some are not, some are temporary and some are lasting. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited as saying "Change is the only constant in life". The one thing we are guaranteed to face in this life is change, and changing seasons. Changing seasons can sometimes threaten our sense of security and wellbeing, and cause uncertainty, stress and anxiety. How does one navigate change without being adversely affected by it? I looked at these trees in my yard and realised a few things that are true of the seasons of climate as well as the seasons of life. Firstly, seasons do not affect u...

 By Mercy Manyema Imagine if we could not start over - like never ever be able to try again. Imagine if in all things we could only have one shot at it, and if that failed, that would be the end of it. For one thing, I think we would have far more cases of depression and anxiety.  When I posted last week's story I realised that the very first blog I posted on here was around the same date, in 2022. I realised that it is actually true that May is a time of reflection for me (see post 11 May 2026 ). But I didn't post anything else since then. When I started, I had every intention of continuing but life happened, I focused on other things and it just didn't happen. I was grateful to have that first post still here. I was also grateful to have the chance to continue what I started. Not everything needs another chance, but it sure is good to have the chance when you need it. When God created the heavens and the earth ( Gen 1:1-31 ), He built opportunities to start over in our ti...

By Mercy Manyema At the start of this month, we lost a church member quite suddenly, and his wife is a good friend of mine. We are all still trying to process this loss in our own different ways. Apart from this, the month of May tends to be a very reflective month for me because it is my birth month, it is the month that my father passed away 23 years ago, and it was my late grandmother’s birth month too. These are all significant events for me, so I often take a moment to just slow down and reflect. This week, and probably for the rest of the month, my reflections are focusing a lot on the brevity of life. I got to asking myself if I would have any regrets, should I die today. I asked myself what we need to do in order to “number our days” as the verse says. Is it possible to live an intentional and focused life even without experiencing tragedy? Are there things that I need to attend to in my life that I have been putting off? I have much more reflection to do yet. But I...